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Premiership footballers to take gender tests
Masculinity of well-known players questioned. Britain closed indefinitely due to snow
Light dusting shuts down whole country. Car crime statistics stolen from minister's car
Latest theft from Hazel Blears. Mugabe banned from playing cricket in UK
Tough action from Gordon Brown. Pancake Day Cometh but Once a Year
Holidays aside, we're not much for religious pilgrimages.* Sure, you've got your anticipation at Christmas, your bunny hunting at Easter and the unforgettable costumes of Halloween, but there's one day too often forgotten from the calendar, and that's Pancake Day. And there's no better way to celebrate it than with a free short-stack of those golde... continues PhotoWorks Good for Everyday, Any Day, Even Valentine's Day
We're already pretty much raving fans of PhotoWorks.com, and not just because they've got the stalwart professionalism of American Greetings backing them up. When we wanted prints for Christmas, we turned to them, and again when we wanted an oversize print the local shops couldn't make. But there are a bunch of reasons we use PhotoWorks, and why we... continues Visit the Great State of Montana With Kids
If you've ever even dreamed of the Big Sky state, this summer may be as ideal a time as any to pay a visit. Travel costs are up, the economy is down, and many of the great American relics you learned about in grade school still exist, but they're dying off by the year. Here is a summary of only our best and highest rated Montana review articles. Montana Reviews Continue on the Best Montana Site
We've been running Montana articles with painfully few interruptions since we first headed east to the Old West last summer, and we know it's tiring for those of our readers not looking explicitly for that sort of info, but there's good news, one might assume. We're closing out the Montana stories, more or less, effectively now. Conservatives Provide Open, Accountable Government for Minus 17 Minutes
Fatigued from 12 plus years of Liberal rule, Stephen Harper and his Conservative Party won power on January 23 by promising Canadians change.
Amazingly, the new Conservative Government managed to live up to their promise almost until they were sworn in. Prime Minister Harper provided Canadians with open, accountable government for a whopping 17 mi... continues The Angry Albertan
Well, Stephen, it didn't take long for you to forget the grass roots, did it? You weren't even sworn in before you sold out the people who brought you to the office of Primer Minister, in the first place. Harper Holds First Cabinet Meeting
An increasingly confident Stephen Harper held his first cabinet meeting this morning in Ottawa, even though his Conservative Party has yet to be elected as the nation's government. Voters Eager to Punish Liberals, Selves
Informal polling suggests that voters across Canada plan to punish the Liberal Party for the Quebec sponsorship scandal by voting them out of office in the January 23rd national election. But many want to go a step further and punish themselves, by voting Conservative. Kesiter Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes
"Kesiter Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes" The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004
"The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004" President Rushes Aid To Tsunami Survivors
"President Rushes Aid To Tsunami Survivors" Democrats Claim Ohio's Nonexistence
"Democrats Claim Ohio's Nonexistence" Britain: What A State e-Book. Free preview.
Britain: What a State... How to protect your data (from us)
You should read the following information carefully, then completely destroy the computer you are reading it on.
Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy Serial Killer Targets Songwriters
A third singer-songwriter has been killed in what police now concede is the work of a serial killer. Police Call for Voice ID Systems
Police have thrown their weight behind calls for the Voice Protocol Technograph system. The Office Party - Do's and Dont's
How to survive the office party Al Qaeda Admits Mistake
Al Quaeda has apologised to Western democracies, Christians and Jews for all recent bombings
[CaRP] XML error: not well-formed (invalid token) at line 94 Nagin Loses, Must Remain Mayor of New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana -- Mayor Ray Nagin, who hoped his shoot-from-the-hip style would get him booted from office, narrowly won re-election over Lt. Gov. Mitch Landrieu on Saturday, cementing him in place for at least another four years. "Cmon people, Ive served my time," Nagin said angrily, upon hearing the result, "Its Mitchs turn!" Accusations ... continues All-Aibo Team a Hit With Iditarod Fans
WILLOW, Alaska - For 34 years, dog teams and mushers have come together in Alaska to race to Nome, in commemoration of a 1925 dogsled relay to get needed serum nearly 700 miles across the frozen territory. This race has tested men, mettle, and mutts to their limits. But this year a new entrant is testing something else -- Energizer batteries. Will ... continues HR Block Sues Self Over Tax Snafu
CHICAGO, Illinois - Hamp;R Block Inc, having publicly admitted that its own state taxes were improperly reported, has announced that it is filing a malpractice suit against itself. "We used ourselves for our tax preparation because we wanted the very best," explained CEO Mark Ernst, "Needless to say, we were extremely disappointed in our performanc... continues Exposure Surpasses Cancer as Leading Killer Among Smokers
ROCHESTER, New York - Doctors are reporting dramatically increased numbers of cases of exposure, frostbite, and other weather-related health issues among the smoking population. "Patients tell me that they know its cold, they know they shouldnt be out in it, but they just have to have a puff," said Dr. Lyle Wallen, clearly exasperated, "Then they w... continues Fetus Gestates, Births
Something miraculous happened about 12 months ago to our adored Happy Embryo. At first, they seemed... The Elizabeth Chronicles
The latest venture for Mickey Jefferson and Quenchert Landai results in something worth missing... o... Rumormill in Frenzy over Biological iPod
The Apple Rumormill has been in a frenzy over leaked
details of a new addition to the iPod family... Apple Releases New Barenaked Ladies Special Edition iPod
Buoyed by stronger-than-appropriate response to its U2 special edition iPod, Apple has released a ne...
JLS Condom: Band Reveal Secret Name
Pop pin-ups JLS led tabloid newspapers up the garden path today as they launched their new line of condoms. The lads told The Sun that their 'branded' French Letters were to be called 'Just Love Safe'. And to their amazement, the journalist who wr... Lady Gaga: Miley Cyrus Making Us All Look Cheap
Lady Gaga was on her hobby horse again about how the "Little Tart" Miley Cyrus is making young performers look bad in the music and film industry.
"What can people like me and Adam Lambert and others do to keep this young lady from making a fool... Jon Venables Plays His 'Get Out Of Jail Free' Card
PROTECTIVE CUSTODY: SECRET LOCATION: The young man in his late twenties who doesn't answer to the name Jon Venables sat at a table yesterday, picked up two dice and threw them onto the board. He'd never been to The Angel Islington before but immed... Piers Morgan Rates Cheryl Cole Higher Than Robert Pattinson And Susan Boyle B...
In what was most certainly a weekend to forget for Britain's tabloid editors, there was one news item which was actually true, swirling around out there amongst all the slings and arrows of outrageous fiction.
A former tabloid editor himself (Unti... U.S. Government Behind Toyota Sudden Acceleration Problem, According to NHTSA...
Alleged peeping tom victim Blake Robbins has inked a $5 million deal with Mike & Ike candy to become their official spokesperson, according to Mike & Ike's advertising agency Bendover Advertising. Toyota Blames Gremlins For Sudden Acceleration Issues
Toyota officials claimed today that there is nothing wrong with any of the recalled automobiles and instead blamed the problems of sudden acceleration on Gremlins, little mysterious creatures that are mechanically inclined and tend to tinker with machinery. Newcastle in turmoil
Just when we thought it could get no more bizarre at St James's Park, Newcastle United have appointed Joe Kinnear as temporary manager following Terry Venables' overnight decision to resist further sullying his managerial reputation. The 74-year-old Kinnear becomes the latest manager to jump on the... continues Coe rows into Olympic row
Sebastian "Lord" Coe has announced a four-year programme of cultural events leading up to the London Olympics in 2012. A William Shakespeare festival, 12 new public works of art and a water-based memorial to late rockers Chas 'n' Dave will form the centrepiece to the cultural line-up. However there ... continues Hailin' Palin's baby maybe
John McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin, has made a stinging attack on Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama at the Republican convention. Speaking in St Paul's, Minnesota, she criticised Mr Obama for dodging his parental responsibilities and said that she would ensure he made at least a fi... continues Brown's first day blues.
Gordon Brown's first day as PM has been disrupted by the state Tony Blair left No. 10 Downing Street in when he left. It is believed that the outgoing PM and wife, Cherie, threw a bit of a party for Downing Street staff and didn't do any clearing up. Consequently, Mr and Mrs Brown arrived from next ... continues
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Meltingclocktimes.com Has An All New Web Site!
Meltingclocktimes.com Has A New Website! The all new MCT features an all new website with: Weekly updates, A million dollar offer to anyone who can prove our articles are not true; Ads with scantily clad attractive women, All the state of the art web site things such as: leaving your own stupid co... continues
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